Silence

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As per the plan I was waiting next to the Lions Gym, around hundred meters south of the Sankhamul Chowk. I pulled the cell phone from the pocket and had a look on the clock. ‘Uff, just 8:03am’. I breathe heavily and the gulp of air loomed around my face like the puff of smoke. Though the sun had graded through the scattering cloud on the east, the streets of Kathmandu were still arctic. Nothing to get busy with, I turned around; ‘Janakpur Paan Pasal’ on the left and ‘the Lions Gym’ on the right. But ‘Shrestha Tea House’ the board behind me caught the attention. I climbed couple of stair, dumped my bag and settled myself on the wooden chair. ‘Sauji, one milk tea’, I placed the order.
As Sauji and his toddler assistant was busy processing my order, I gazed across the street. Vegetable vendor were in the pinnacle of their business, trespassing half of the road with their cart and mobile shops. The remaining half was overflowed by their client (I mean the housewives) and the vehicle.
The teenage couple appeared from the crowd. The boy had silky hair; the perfect Korean hairstyle, and the I-phone in his hand (predictable style of teenage lads these days). The girl, who was in a college dress, was shivering with the cold and had pulled the sleeve of sweater to wrap around her palm to make a glove. As all her effort to keep warm went in vain, she pulled him closer by grabbing his arm and placed her hand in his pocket. Wow she found the better solution to fight with the cold (then a cup of tea like me). The boy gave a quick glance at her. The girl smiled in return, the textbook gesture to show the gratitude. It need not be said that he felt the warmth of her love; the comprehensible glow that arises in his face with contempt speaks it all. The girl pulled the ear phone from him pocket, put one plug in her ear and the others in his. Suddenly the romance fired up in the air. And probably the Justin Biber or Taylor Swift’s (they didn’t seemed to me the Pink Floyd type) playlist catalyses them.
On the background the middle aged gentleman came riding the classic hero rangers bicycle. He had scarf in his shoulder. Unlike the teenager he had perfectly combed side parted hair that reminds you of angry young man of Bollywood in late 70’s. The dabaang beard and the belly pant had spiced his Bollywood personality further. He was whistling and enjoying the ride. Despite his swarthy face, the smile and the pleasure he was having had made him substantially good-looking.
‘Trrrringgg Trrringgg’. He ringed twice but the couple didn’t care about it. And how could they when their ears were buzzing with Justin Biber and Taylor Swift. So he drove past them, turned around and stopped just in front of the couple. The couple almost bumped on the bicycle. The contempt glow of the boy a moment ago was now devoured by rage.
‘Sale dhoti aakha dekhdainas’.
The boy sneered like a wolf sneered to the deer. I don’t know why but I looked at the girls. Deep inside me was expecting the positive interruption from the girl. But she was reluctant to take a stage.
Boy’s face was glowing with the valor he had just staged, and why wouldn’t it if he had some gorgeous by his side silently observing him, to prove his chivalry to?
He grabbed his girlfriends hand and they moved on giggling and I was traumatized on the wooden chair.
‘How could he be so mean with someone about the age of his father?
The gentleman did not ventured to react; instead he tried to hide the humiliation he had just gone through. His gloomy and silent nod was enough for me to understand the mental state he was going through. The streak of bitter emotion had engulfed the cheerful face of his. His silence seemed so mundane that he was drinking this humiliation all his life. He balanced the bicycle by pulling it to the hoarding board. He had his own business, they had theirs; he opened the door of ‘Janakpur Paan Pasal’ and they disappeared in the crowd.

The bike on the other side of the road clanked the horn. I waived him and signaled to join me.
‘Sauji make it two’. I notified my host, ‘I have a company’. As my friend was crossing the road I sighed with relief. Firstly, the wait was over for me, and secondly because it was hell of a scene I had witness.

In spite of all the efforts I made, I could not in the least enters into the feelings of that gentleman and understand his sentiments and the silence he put on the show a moment ago. Had there been some Pahadi in his place, I need not have to imagine boy getting his face disfigured. Good for the boy it was Madhesi, bad for the gentleman it was the Jaundiced Pahadi kid.

Flip Love

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Couple of week back the vibration in my cell phone waked me up at 5:30am. I reached for the cell without opening my eyes.
‘Hello, are you fine?’ It was my mom on the other end.
‘Yea, I’m doing great’ though it was really annoying getting call at 5 in these chilly winter dawn, I tempt myself hearing the comforting voice of mom after a long time.
‘Did you felt the tremor?’ She was sounding weird.
‘Yes I did’ I was annoyed with the pointless talk she was making by calling so early.’ I always put my cell on vibration mom; if you call me this early I’ll fell the tremor?’
‘No No’ she was making me more confused. ’Didn’t you felt the earthquake?
‘What???’ I almost jumped from the bed.
‘Ok, Ok its fine, now go back to sleep’ and then she hung up.
‘First the call and then the threat of the earthquake, How can I go back to sleep?’ So I just closed my eyes and started thinking about the swift call that lasted for a few second. Why she hung up on me so soon? After screwing for a moment with my head I drew the conclusion ‘Move straight from your head to your heart stupid, it’s because she was worried about you after the earthquake and she didn’t want to kill your sleep after knowing you are safe’. I thanked god for putting on the lap of the great mother on the earth and rolled around my bed waiting for the alarm to beep.

On the flip side I have a different story. During Tihar, it was London derby (Gunners vs. the Blues) and you can guess how the Blue’s fan like me was holding in the second half. The third one from Van Parsi (and Arsenal 5-3 Chelsea) ignites my frustration, I threw the remote controller and the gentleman’s talk (muji Chelsea aja ni haryo) just slipped from my tongue in front of the dad.
‘How dare you talk like that in my house?’ Firstly he was unsettled with me for not letting him watch the news and secondly the quarter life crisis son was talking like a gentleman. So it was time for some serious stuff.
‘What did I do now?’ I was not sure about the words coz they just slipped.
‘You watch TV for the whole day without studying and how dare you show your big mouth (‘एक त दिनभरी टि.भी हेर्छ, पढ्नु गुढ्नु छैन, अझ मुखमुखै लाग्छ’)’ he was furious at me.
‘What?? There is nothing to read, I finished my college dad, and tell me what I should do’.
‘Go and Study’ is his best dialogue and for me it’s the one I hate most. Even after finishing the college he didn’t stopped to hit me with it. Weird isn’t it; your dad scolding you for not studying even after graduating from the college.
‘Just do something good, don’t waste your time watching this stupid football’. I didn’t know why he was blaming football.
‘You know what; you are never satisfied whatever I do’ I was losing my mind.
‘If I became second, you say why didn’t you became first and if I became first you say why didn’t you became board first, I don’t know what’s wrong with you, you never fell happy with your son’s success’ I banged the door of the living room and left.
Later at the dinner it was dead silence. I had no words left to unzip my lips after that altercation. Mom was busy with her chores. So it was up to dad to break the ice.
‘There is a story for you my son, do you want to hear it’. (कान्छा एउटा कथा छ, तेरो लागि; सुन्छस्)
I didn’t dare to look at his face nor did I care to utter a word. I went to feed myself and remained silent.
‘Ok, anyway let me say it’ and he started. The story went like this.

Once there was a famous writer who has earned name and fame. But the writer’s father always used to scold him for not writing a single good piece. Though the world praises him as the best writer, his father used to tell him he was bullshit. The writer was angry with his father attitude toward him, he thought his father was mad. He started planning a ploy to destroy him. One day when the father was in his room the writer waited outside with the sword in his hand. While waiting he heard his mother talking with the father.
‘Why don’t you praise your son for his good work?’ the mother was asking, ’you make him sad by undermining his work’.
‘Haha’ the father laughed. ’You know my darling, if all started praising our son he will run after the success and one day he won’t be able to write good. I always scold his so that he will always strive for the excellence’.
Hearing the answer the writer felt so guilty that he killed himself with the sword as a penance. And the world lost one of the best writers in the history.

Dad finished his story. ‘Did you like the story?’ he didn’t stopped to hear my reply. He left the diner and reached for the sink. Though my head was still bowing to pay respect to the food mom has made with quite excitement, I raised my eyebrows to get the glimpse of his silhouette. He opened the tap, rinsed, and dried himself with the towel. He was smiling at me when he left the kitchen. I was as dumb as the statue at the kitchen table wondering myself why these human in the form of father are so knotty. Why do you have to decipher the hidden love and care from their words? But it’s quite difficult because there is no universal algorithm to do it. And you are left without the clue wondering do they really care about you? Why can’t they call you straight and ask ‘Hello, Are you fine?’ or was it because the silent would connect in a way a word would never could.

Thus to conclude I say the love of the two greatest human being on the earth is a flip love. One express even though you don’t want other won’t even though you want.

Quarter Life Crisis

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‘25/26 is not a nice age for a man’ the post appeared several times in my wall. ‘……25/26 is not a nice age for a man,…..Your ex-gfs are getting married,….. your career has just started…….Elders treat you as unproven theorems, ….. Every Aunty you meet ask “Shaadi kab kar rahe ho beta !!”, ……while uncle asks “Career ka kya socha hai beta…”,…….. You have all the confidence in the world but little achievements to show, ….. You know that whatever you have been taught about the world in schools has been sheer waste of time ……..’ I have heard a lot about a middle life crisis. But this is different; it’s not a middle life yet so for a reference let’s call it a quarter life crisis.
I remember my grandma citing an example of my dad and uncle wearing pants only when they were enrolled in college. Last month Nepali media published Prime Minister Dr. Bhattarai’s photo wearing a shorts while he was receiving an award of a SLC Topper. Seeing the photo in Newspaper my mom looked at me ‘See even the great man like Baburam used to wear shorts till SLC’. She took off the spectacle and gave a stern look at me ’what’s wrong with today’s youth! Whatever you give to them they won’t be satisfied’. And I hope my grandma if was alive today would support my mom. I am sure that my mom and grandma’s tone was why are you guys not like them? You are thinking of buying an Armani Jeans and you mom show you the picture of the great person wearing shorts and ask you to be like him.
‘Can we be like them?’ Great!! ‘Can be’ but the Getup!! ‘Hell No’. First thing he was not great when he used to wear the shorts and second how could you ignore the fact that we could be the great like him. The worst part is that the parents won’t believe in Quarter life dilemma no matter what you do. So I just laughed at her.
In the evening, it was a small family gathering and the newspaper on the table had a half page picture of Leaders signing a peace agreement. What more to ask for the gossips? But the sky is the limit. The gossip became a dialogue and gradually an argument. Happens every time when everyone thinks he/she is right. Dad and I had a tug of war. For him the peace agreement was great, for me it was bullshit. He was satisfied with the development and I was ironic. He strives for the social responsibility I strive for the money. He preferred cooperative I preferred company. For him agriculture was the backbone of economy for me it was technology. He wants road network I want a neural network. I want to work in the IT Park; he worked to build the PuspaLal Park (Park in the memory of Puspa Lal Shrestha the founder of Communist Party in Nepal). He sided with Gaddafi I supported Obama. I was sounding like a capitalist and no doubt he was a Marxist. Finding my ideas antithetical to his, he conclude ‘You have nothing, you are a zero’ and ended the conversation.
‘What!!! I’m different, does that mean I am a Zero’
I don’t know why he said so. Was it because I was really a zero or was it because I was a quarter life unproven theorem? The dialogue by Bhisma in Mahabharata ‘मे एक सुन्य हुँ जिसका अकेला कोही अस्तित्व नहि हे’ was ruling my mind ever since I watched Mahabharata few months back. Then I started believing myself as a zero. I even called it a Zero Anxiety. Today when dad gave his conclusion he hit in the bulls eye.
I didn’t have any concrete things to prove a theorem. I wished I could say ‘I have all the confidence in the world but little achievements to show’. But confidence cannot be shown and achievements; I don’t have. So I was in a deep crisis better to say in a quarter life crisis.

सिम्पल सिम्पल कान्छी

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Preceding three nights were quite rough; whole night digging into 3 books of card without blinking an eye and emptying the pocket without a good damn chance to win. So when the climax of Tihar came, the ending was sure to be forlorn: the evening of Bhaitika day, I and my blue visage left alone in the room trying to catch some sleep.

My laborious attempt to make up for those preceding nights was in vain when the stereo speaker started blaring on our front porch. ‘What the hell !!’ I wake up rubbing my eyes and came out doddering down the staircase. My god, the whole neighborhoods gather into our front porch. The banner on the side reads the name of Local Youth Club. And three damsel images were swaying in the heavily lighted porch to keep up with Gauri Malla’s classic Nepali number ‘Tiharai ayo lau jhilimili’. I pulled the chair and placed myself at the corner yawning and rubbing my eyes.

The MC guy started calling the name one after another. Dhinka Chika, Prem ki Naiyya, Shila ki Jawani, Taal ko Pani, Maya Godawari Ful Fulyo etc. The fusion of Bollywood and Kollywood was off-color yet jolly. When it was time for Shila ki Jawani my hangover was over and I was feeling rejuvenated. The girl shaked her butt well in shila ki jawani. I tell my mom that she won’t have to worry about cleaning the porch tomorrow. And she laughed. Thank God mom too loved Shila ki Jawani. The Dinka Chika Guys were funny, though they couldn’t do Salman’s 6 packs stuff but they did fine with their hands in the pocket and the whistling. ’ Taal ko pani’ lived up to the expectation of bringing the earthquake in couple of rector scales. Neighbor kid also participated in the boogy woogy.

The MC’s tone showed it was coming to an end. ’The last performance of today the Nepali dance esp. popular among the youth, I hope the old here also enjoy it a lot’. He paused for a while and screamed ‘Let’s welcome our friends for Simple Simple Kanchi’. I had heard the song’s snippet in a movie’s promo in Nepali channel and few friends in facebook had already mentioned it as weird. I had never got chance to listen the full songs. So I felt animated getting one now. I composed myself so that I don’t have to yawn for next 5 min.

‘सिम्पल सिम्पल कान्छी को डिम्पल पर्ने गाला, मन पर्यो मन पर्यो मन पर्यो मलाई मन पर्यो’……

…………सुटुसुटु आउने कान्छाको लुटुपुटु पर्ने बानी, मन पर्यो मन पर्यो मन पर्यो मलाई मन पर्यो’’

The whistling and clapping went for a minute or so. For me the song was funny, catchy and not so weird. I think that’s better than present days Bollywood’s Dhinka Chika or ChamakChallu. Unlike Chamakchallu or Dhinka Chika I can understand the wording of Simple Simple Kanchi. The MC called it a day by thanking all and bhailini packed their stuff.

Though they never bother to recite the Bhailini (anyway who cares whether they came to ask for Gunui Choli or Sent by Bali Raja) they were well appreciated. To conclude, one and half hour full entertainment and they did fine. When I fall back into the bed I was whispering ‘सिम्पल सिम्पल कान्छी को डिम्पल पर्ने गाला, मन पर्यो मन पर्यो मन पर्यो मलाई मन पर्यो’. The next morning I sat to write this. To bring myself in a mood I think of the song so I searched for ‘simple simple kanchi’ in youtube. 28 search result and at the top of the list the song itself with 53,256 views. That was not bad for a Nepali movie number and not for me as well because the evening which was supposed to be gloomy went tip top with ‘Simple Simple Kanchi’.