What Am I Up To?
It’s been long and there isn’t any update in Youth Mind. Last month one of my friend asked me “where you man, haven’t seen any new update?” I just ignored his interest by saying it’s my exam that is keeping me away. But see now it’s over, I mean exam is over and there is nothing to blame if the same question jump over me again.
See this always happens to me. I mean I can’t really stick with one thing. I tried many things last year and there is nothing left now. And now this blog, I wish it not be like my other stuff. I like blogging and this is what I really want. I know this is not about blog or diary. It is about my habit of being volatile and not being able to stick on one thing. When I was kid I watched Mahabharat and I was so fond of it that I visualized myself as Arjun, suited in fine armor, bow, that crown and the carriage he rides. It is so perfect but took no time before I realize that it was just an illusion. Teenage, it was early millennium, time for romantic Bollywood movies, so I started to cast myself opposite to Rani and Preety. SLC, time to be serious about study, but for me pass marks did great. Nothing much I dreamed, but to my surprise my name was on topper’s list and what more would you expect? Yeah it was the beginning of the Nightmare life with +2 sciences. Don’t know how and why but gradually one killer thought brooded in my mind, I wanted to pursue my dream in something really great (it’s hard to spell it out). And it also took no time to kill me, kill my dream and kill my imagination. I now don’t want anything and don’t like to imagine the shape of my future. IT its just time pass, something I should do for families sake and society. Its only darkness I can see if I look through the windows of future
There is a scene in a movie “Fight Club” where Brad Pitt points a gun to a guy and ask “what do you want to be, tell me otherwise I’ll shoot you”. That was the very moment I thought about the darkness of my future. It was a simple question and I had no answer. It often rings on my ear what I really wanna be, what I am up to, what I am meant for. And if I was that boy I would have been shot because I had no answer. Ain’t that disgusting? I know it is but it just not working out for me.
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